so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
