I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
