My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
