The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
