Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
