You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize