you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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