So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
