Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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