A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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