Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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