so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need a burrito and a hug.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
