I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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