how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
