P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A+ Viking dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
