I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
