is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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