The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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