I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
