I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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