She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize