the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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