ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize