look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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