I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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