i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
