my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
