Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
