Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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