I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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