this beer tastes like vomit already
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
