**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
