Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
