Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
