More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
