I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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