No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
