Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was born a porn star she said
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
