That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
