You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
