I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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