she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
