Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
