Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
