this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize