onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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