I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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