thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
