So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
