Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
