just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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