my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
