Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
