So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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