My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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