How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
