i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
