I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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