By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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