Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
