Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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