He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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