Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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