She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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