Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
