I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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