Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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