i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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