Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
