My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
